This will is the one I'm known for as a bullheaded don't-tell-me-what-I-can-and-can't-do I'll-do-it-myself Taurus. Since I started my barre3 journey in January, my will has evolved through several iterations. In the beginning I'll admit it was a little flimsy.
Something along the lines of: "I will do this 28 day challenge. At least I think I will. I mean, I don't think I actually can, but I'm sure as hell about to find out."
After a month of 6 days a week, my will had upgraded to: "I will look way better in my dress for the Grammy Awards than I thought I would!"
After the Grammy's, it was more like: "I will eat cheesecake and drink wine as a reward for a month of kicking butt. I will totally start working out again... most likely."
By the time May rolled around: "I will lose these 7 lbs I gained back and then some."
By July?: "I will live this way for the rest of my life. I will show others that it can be done and hopefully bring some loved ones along for the ride."
That brings us to now. It's October. I'm totally bought in to the barre3 lifestyle and feel like I've passed the point of no return. My preferences have totally changed. I have gained body wisdom and learned that cheesecake makes me feel terrible and I much prefer a handful of trail mix with a nibble of dark chocolate to quell a sweet tooth. Sure there are times when I have a treat, but it's a decision that is made thoughtfully and not as a reward or a "cheat". Eating whole foods and being good to my body are part of who I am now. There are days when I don't want to get a workout in, but I know for absolute certain that I will feel much better if I do. I'm upgraded. Jenn 2.0.
So, now my will has evolved to get better at this practice. Sweet Candace has been making graceful movement look like child's play to me now for the better part of a year. In the beginning, I'd wobble and even stumble. Now I'm to the point where I can follow her, but I still don't come close to graceful. That's my new goal. To at least once in a while... sometimes... move with grace.
Funny story - my Mom used to call me Grace when I was a kid. It was her way of making fun of me because I was such a klutz. I fell down on the regular and have the scars to prove it. I tripped over my own feet, fell off of bikes and out of trees, walked into walls... you name it. Grace was an insult, if a loving one. Finally, I think just out of fear that I'd mortally injure myself, she signed me up for ballet. I turned in my basketball shoes for tights and a tutu for one school year. I never danced a recital, never became a beautiful dancer... but I did get a bit sturdier on my feet.
In my time with barre3, I've learned to believe a lot of new things. I believe that I'm capable of changing my body and one day reaching my goals. I believe in kale. I believe in spending money on really great yoga pants. I even believe that if I work hard, I might be capable of grace.
Like actual grace, not ironic grace.
Time will tell, but where there's a will... there's a way.
Today I did Ballet Boot Camp with Candace. Taking it one day at a time.
...and just because...